A state of neurological restlessness

Ya okay I just wanted to relive that Dr. Tan moment. Please don’t burst my bubble :(
All my life, when someone asked me “So Camelia, what would you like to be when you grow up?” I would always reply with full fledged confidence, “I am going to be a Doctor!”

And then the dream probably died in Secondary school after I studied Biology and realized I was not that A-star student despite enjoying every session of class. Oh wells. It is indeed funny how this World works.

So here I am preparing for my interview and I am reading up all over again, as if I were studying for a Supply Chain module. I keep telling myself, “come on Cam, you have to memorize all of these by hook or by crook if you wanna impress the hiring manager”. Not sure about you, but have you ever wondered what if you screwed up at work??? I mean, what if you were so sure about something, made the decisions to act upon those beliefs such that you end up where you envisioned it to be. But actually, reality swung the opposite way…

Then how ah? Will I be sacked immediately? And even if I report to my Manager, who probably will report to another Manager and eventually the CEO so that fine-tuning (i.e. hedging) is done before something can be fully implemented, isn’t everyone human too? So won’t there be a margin of error somewhere nonetheless? Okay I get it. The CEO’s head probably won’t roll as fast as the lowly worker (ahem, me) when shit comes to lao-sai. #life

All I am saying is, growing up is truly so daunting. I think the amount of responsibilities being thrown upon our shoulders are getting heavier as the years go by. But if there is anything comforting, I keep telling myself that my parents, and their parents, and their parents’ parents probably knew nothing when they were in their mid-20s too. They were also shifting and sieving through piles of shit just to figure out. And believe it or not, they are still in that same process now as they hit their mid-50s (for thy parents), and their late-70s (for thy grandparents).

Nobody truly knows what lies ahead and that is a fact. Well except our Heavenly Father. I recall coming across an article about how our life is all about risks. You’re standing at the edge of the cliff, you decide to jump across to the next boulder. There are 2 scenarios with equal probabilities - you either make it to the next boulder safely, or you don’t. But we are all so wired into thinking “Damn, I am going to die” that we don’t ever realize the other option was as equally likely as the first to happen.

So basically the writer goes on to say that we all need to start looking at the positives in life and not the negatives because each could happen and we would never know. So why so we constantly fill our minds and lives with depressing thoughts and scenarios when really, unicorns could appear if we closed our eyes and thought about it hard enough?? (okay major exaggeration there, but I hope you catch my drift).

And this is what I have been telling myself as I prepare for my 2nd job interview next week. I am nervous, but I am also excited. Because when scheduled for an interview, it is airtime for me to showcase my personality and myself for who I really am. No false pretenses with flowery English jargons on a piece of paper. No counting of A-pluses on the transcript. No consideration of whether I doctored the passport picture or not. Because, here; I am here and this is me. I recalled my FT Prof telling us this: “Applying for a job is a 2-way relationship. It involves you being interested in the company culture and the job offer, and it also involves the company seeing full potential in you. But most of us think of it as a 1-sided relationship. And that is dangerous, as in any other relationships.”

Up till today, this has been my mantra when it comes to applying for jobs. If they like me, and I like them, perfect. If not, it’s alright, someone else better will come along. I believe so, and I hope so. :)

A quick shout out to @beatt92: Hang in there and dream of those unicorns!!!