Floaty

I don’t know what this feeling is supposed to be. I haven’t drank any alcohol, nor smoked any weed. But my mind is in such a state of trance, I am starting to wonder if the air in my room is a tad too stale…

Either way, today has been another soul-deepening day. I know, I know. Sometimes I can get a little overly cliché for you guys. I surprise myself too, don’t worry. Momma Tan and I had the opportunity to accidentally bump into an Indonesian priest who has been living in Leuven for the past 7 years. Both parties were actually just queuing for coffee, and somehow, a simple question of, “Where do you come from?” turned into, “Why don’t you drop by for lunch?”.

Father Ferry (yes, that is his name, don’t be evil) explained many things to us. From the history of his order to their patron saint, Saint Damien. He further shared St. Damien’s way of life and how he gave of himself for the betterment of people. Not because he had a talent, nor was he “chosen” by God (he was surprisingly not as intelligent as his elder brother and was rejected to be a priest). Eventually, his desire to be a Christian man of action by living out his life according to what he knew was right, and sharing the love he received from God to others, proved victorious. Then Father Ferry turned to me and jokingly said with a wide smile, “So now it’s your turn to think about how you can impact society.”

Crap. Like growing up wasn’t bad enough. Now I had to think of how I could be a positive influence to others in my daily life.

Sadly, the more I pondered about what I have done with my life, the more I see so many unfinished matters… (I will not term them ‘business’ since I am not here to make a profit out of it) These were things I had set out to achieve previously, and I have never actually completed them. What more, achieve them. Things that has hence been buried over time due to inaction; due to my incompetence……

• Sailing: Poor management of WCSR and the inability to manage people
• Church: Giving up when the going got tough due to humanly politics
• DB: Throwing away aspirations of setting up an Alumni Team after finding out the tough sides of the job
• Friends: Constant delays with meet-ups or excuses created

I am thoroughly ashamed to share all of this. Because come on, let’s get real. SMU teaches you to brand yourself so well that even if you are worthless, you’d be priceless in other’s eyes. (Don’t worry this is an extreme example since everyone is worthy in God’s eyes, I promise you that.) You could take this as my public apology to all those whom I may have made empty promises to.

I genuinely am sorry.

I honestly do not mean to be such a loser. And I should start to clean up my act once and for all. This, is my 2015 resolution to you. Please wait for me. I promise you, this will not be a ‘once bitten, twice shy’ situation. It’s not going to be easy, but I hope you’d walk this journey with me.

My mind is still in a state of trance right now, but my heart feels ten times lighter.