Like Diamonds in the Sky
Sometime back, FF and I laid down side by side. It was nothing sensual not to worry. Rather, both of us laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling and started talking about deep stuff. (Haha for the benefit of those who don’t already know, our relationship comprise of such deep-in-thought moments most of the time & of course with a sprinkle of retardedness every now and then)
We delved into topics such as ethics and how whether it was ethical for people to play the lottery. It was pretty much a harmless debate and each side whipped out whatever ethics principles we could possibly recall from LGST 101 to defend our argument.
He: I don’t see why it is an issue if people want to use lottery as their only source of hope. Think about those peoples whose lives have no more meaning maybe because they are stricken with illness and nobody cares for them. So striking the lottery will be their only source of despair and hope.
Me: But when will it ever be enough? Some will say placing $1 for a one-off to try their luck is sufficient, while there will be others who constantly keep putting $1 in every week maybe. I don’t think people should pin their hopes on such things and I think it’s a slippery slope. These people probably need psychological help if they lose meaning of their lives. Not the lottery.
To cut to the chase, that day, the conversation about whether lottery playing is justified or not, led to other topics such as the increasing ugly human behaviors who only think for themselves. Why that is so, and what we each thought the World probably lacks.
I told him upfront that when people centered themselves on God, they will be more likely to be unperturbed by any problems. I take not my own religion as a reference point in fear of being judged as bias. Rather, I look to the Protestants. And sometimes, when I see what they have, I am rather envious at their unwavering faith. These people, I strongly admire.
Then after the whole string of deep conversations, it occurred to me that what we believe in, is so commonly due to what we have experienced.
- Things like how I will definitely send my future daughter to CHIJ because I have seen the fruits of being in that school and have fully experienced the education process.
- Or how I have honestly experienced God’s love for me despite all my wrongs and how He always saves me from the wretches at every juncture of my life. Hence, I will never give up on my religion.
- Other things include how if I hear a first-hand information about a particular place (e.g. “it is very dangerous in Barcelona”), I become all timid and anxious without even experiencing it for myself
I believe that such things shape our behavior and attitudes. Sad to say, the last point above isn’t something I am proud of but nonetheless, it was a self discovery experience. Anyhow, the fact that what we choose to believe in is shaped by our own experiences, I guess, all I can pray for is for FF to truly have his own God-experience(s).
And with that, we are approaching our 3 year anniversary at being a couple in the next few days to come. Sometimes I am unsure where this relationship may bring us to, but I sure hope we have plenty of years more to grow as individuals and of course, if we can pray together, I would be happiest.
& to those who are still searching for the right one (@beatt92), let’s just say that finding that gold amidst the pile of earth is hard. But polishing it takes time too. So don’t give up and we’re all on the journey of refinement anyway!