Trance

Dear God, do you have a wicked sense of humour? #

30 minutes ago, I had an intense conversation with Mom.

Mom: Don’t get me wrong…. But can I just ask, regarding that day when you guys took your keys…. what was the pineapple for?

Me: Oh, just like “huat” lor. Rolled it in…. sort of…

Mom: Is it some Buddhist ritual that you were partaking in? Who bought it? You asked for it? Since we know it is wrong, you should not have done it. Why did you do that?

Internally, I was fighting.

• Fighting the urge to bark back and defend myself.
• Fighting the urge to let my emotions get to the better of me.

Not gonna lie here. I was slightly upset for the lack of faith my parents had in me. After that episode, while I was alone in the shower, I thought to myself, “Ah, I cannot wait to move out! Where I can do the things I choose to do without anyone giving me their opinion on how I should live my life.”

And it’s also so timely because earlier today, FF has been battling toils with his side of the family. Most of the time, we like to be the central topic of conversations - we want people to remember our birthdays, our likes and dislikes, we enjoy it when others are attentive to our moods and situation, we prefer to share about ourselves than listen to someone else.

Sadly, what we demand of others. We do not demand of ourselves.

I am a member of some random ‘Unofficial Catholics in Singapore’ Facebook group, I chanced upon someone’s post about my friend’s mother. Initially, I thought it was just another one of those post to share about how charismatic a speaker she is, and how others were encouraged to join some talk / ministry.

Upon scrolling further, the final statement wrote, “rest in peace”.
And the accompaniment of an obituary notice.

She passed away?! Wait, what?! No way……………

This family has been such a loving family. I’ve seen how they supported each other, loved each other unconditionally….. I have also briefly spoken to FF about them and how it truly is possible to have a family love one another with no strings attached.

My friend (Joel) who studied and stays/works in Aussie probably had no clue. And I cannot imagine how devastated he must have been - his younger brother also returned to God a couple of years back.

Suddenly, I broke down.

How the heck do my troubles even add up to the Thio family’s? I was lost for words. Looking up to the crucifix in my room, I cried a little more.

Dear God, do you have a wicked sense of humour?